Open Heart

Without any warning my eyes just seemed to pop open. I was staring at an old friend I hadn’t seen in about a year, staring back. “Am I dead“, I said calmly. “Not yet”, he said with a sly grin appearing in the corner of his mouth. “Why are you here”, I asked? Greg, smiled and said,” Your wife called me”. “Where am I”? . “I.C.U.”. “How did you get in here”. I asked as just then an unusual pain shot through my body. “Told them I was your brother, get some rest. I’ll tell them you finally woke”. He said, staring down at me. That grin still in the corner of his mouth. Just as they had opened, I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes open any longer.

A few days before, I’d been at work trying to shake the nastiest flu I’d ever had. I just felt puny, hot then cold, sweating more than usual. Just over all tired, but I just kept going. I’d had a bad flu the end of the year after playing Santa for the store and all those kids. It was fun but what ever I’d caught put me down for two weeks. Figured that time of year again. Odd thing was it was end of May.

People at work kept asking if I was Ok, guess I looked as bad as I felt. I‘d tell them, “yea, I’m good just something I can’t shake”. I figured I’d shake it in a few more days. My wife on the other hand had a different idea. Feeling like crap, she made me cut my work day short and visit the little medical facility across the street. Probably for the best, I really couldn’t take much more. Just didn’t want to admit it. It’s a guy thing.

Sat and waited my turn while the procession of people made there way back through the clinic doors as they where called. My wife sat next to me. To make sure I’d go through with the walk in visit. An hour or so and I found myself in the back, in a little white room filled with medical equipment. Sitting straight up on the end of the paper sheeted bed, my wife in a chair next to me.

One nurse proceeded another, mostly to grab things out of drawers and cabinets. Great I’m in the storage room. I thought. One actually did come in and take my blood pressure and temperature, asked a few Questions and was gone. Finally this Doctor walked in and asked , “What seems to be the problem”? Told him I a had a flu I couldn’t shake, and without even so much as touching me he looks at me and says, “you don’t have the flu, you need to go to the hospital, now”. OK, I thought, Why? “If you don’t you’ll be dead in two weeks”! Just like that he said it.

Now I can’t seem to figure out anything. I’m not panicked just figured, OK lets take the next step. They wanted to call an ambulance but I’m a poor guy and can’t afford the frills so against their advice, I drove myself to the hospital, only about forty-five minutes away I figured. They told me to go and get further testing. One nurse in particular, came into the little room where my wife and I were and seemed very insistent that I promise her I do what the doctor wanted. Although I’d never seen her before, she was very nice, a bit overly concerned for someone who didn’t know me, I mean she wasn’t even the nurse that took my vitals. But I was feeling like garbage and in no shape to not agree. I promised her, and off my wife and I went. I drove.

Seemed the hospital was waiting for us, so in we went. Let the testing begin. Hours went by and they had taken pictures, blood, vitals, stress, EKG, the works. Nothing. All I remember from that evening, was now wanting to go home. Its was getting into the night time and there where three doctors talking to each other in view of the bed they’d put me in. I was a walk in emergency patient at that point. They actually were scratching there heads over what could be possibly be wrong with me.

Surprise. The nurse from the clinic. Walks into the room where they have me laying in the E.R.. Just like that, she just walks in from around the corner. Like she belongs there. She glances at the docs that are talking with each other. I figured the other doctor sent her to check out the situation, but I’ll admit, it was the first time I’d seen that kind of care given to a patient from a clinic. She smiles at my wife, then at me. “Make sure that they do an angio gram on you, they’ll find the problem”. Again, she was very nice and very insistent. “Don’t let them just send you home”. That’s what she said, smiled at the both of us and walked away. Just like she had entered.

Within moments of this, one of the doctors comes toward the bed and tells us that the tests are inconclusive. That’s when I mention the idea of and angio thingy. He thought for a minute and said it could show more of what was going on but there facility didn’t have the necessary equipment to do one. Really? I mean this was a hospital. He told me that they would make the proper arraignments with another hospital and also to make sure the insurance would allow it. Go home and rest, they’d call. So with my note for work, I drove home.


Two days later , I received a phone call. Another hospital was going to do the angio gram, don’t eat, drink, be there at six thirty in the mourning. OK.

I was nervous as hell before the procedure. I mean they take this camera on a wire and go up one of your main arteries all the way to your heart. All these much older patients where in line waiting for the same thing. I was forty-three. Nurses came and went explaining what would happen, all the while I’m laying there thinking, I don’t need this this is crazy. I’m leaving. Its what I was thinking, but its not what happened. They rolled me into to the surgery room, the doctor came in and before I could be anymore nervous it was done. Really. I was thrilled, just had to keep some pressure on my leg where they went in and I’d be going home. I didn’t feel a thing. All that for nothing.

Home again. The phone rang, my wife answered. Seems the last test found what the problem was. Four blocked main arteries on the left side of the heart, two one hundred and two ninety eight percent blockages. I would be required to admit myself for open heart surgery immediately. Needless to say, its not what you want to hear nor is it something you want to pass onto your loved ones.

Everybody showed up and remained in the waiting room. I was prepped, said my See ya later to my daughter, mother and wife. Then I was wheeled away on a gurney, looking at my daughter and wife standing there. I was more calm than I think I’d been my whole life. I just remember thinking of how much I loved my family. I kept thinking I’m ready, for anything.

Last thing I remember, was a cold table and very bright lights with a lot of people milling around. Someone saying count back. Think I got to three. Next thing. My buddy staring down at me.


A four hour surgery lasted over eleven, I was out for three days. They had lost me but was successful at bringing me back. I never felt a thing. When I awoke, it had been as if I’d been asleep for only a few minutes. Do I remember anything? Only that I felt clear headed, when I woke. I mean real clarity. Like everything made sense, and nothing mattered all at the same time. I know weird, its hard to explain. But almost six years later I'm still here. I have a lot of people who are happy about that fact. I do what I can to keep it that way.

As for the very insistent nurse, whom we have yet to find and thank. Nobody seemed to know who we talking about, when we went back to the clinic. Weird.